Credit

I've been struck lately about how little credit for the good things that I give myself.

It seems like I always see the bad, the shortcomings, the parts that are lacking, etc.

What I'm not doing is noticing the good things.  I miss the small steps of progress along the path.  I don't take credit with myself for the small victories in my journey.  I dismiss the good things as bullshit and not genuine.

Funny thing in living like that, I miss out on so much.  I feel like I'm going nowhere when I'm really going somewhere.  I'm not staying in place, I'm moving forward.  I'm not at the end of the line, but I'm sure as shit not at the beginning anymore.

I'm trying to remind myself of the 'wins' every day.  I will take credit for the small steps. 

I AM MOVING FORWARD.

Lost

Been awhile....

I'm working hard on my life.  I'm trying to make the changes and foster the personal growth that's been lacking for the past 42 years.

So why do I feel more lost than ever?

I can't stand my job.  My employer - on a good day - has the mental capacity of a ADHD fourth grader and the organizational skills of a hoarder.  But I cannot just quit.

I don't know what I want to do with my life.  But does that mean I have to suffer through this bullshit?  How come the more changes that I try to make, the more frustrated I become?   The more I read about people's progress and growth, the more I feel like I'm never going to get there.  The more yoga I practice, the more I feel like a fish flopping around in a studio. 

I'm looking for that light at the end of the tunnel and what I'm finding is a complete maze of tunnels and no lights.