Acceptance

Why can't I just deal with my life as it comes to me?  Why must I fight and worry and obsess about things that are totally out of my control?

My W-2 came yesterday.  It was less than years past but more than what many people see and, in the times that we live in, at least I have one.  So when I read it over, I got physically ill.  I hated what I saw and wanted to run to my computer and start to work right then (at 7pm on a Saturday).  I could refine my projections, see what customers haven't bought in awhile, come up with a new angle to work, anything to make sure that 2011's W-2 was "better".

I completely took myself out of a good day.  I'd been snowboarding with my wife, played with my dogs, enjoyed a nice home cooked meal....truly was having one of those good days.  It all went away because of a number on a sheet of paper.

I have such an unhealthy relationship with my work.  It needs to be brought back into perspective.  I need to really think about "working to live" and not "living to work".  As I come out of the alcohol and codependent fog, I see that more things need to be looked at in my life.  More work on me, by me, and for me needs to happen. 

Somewhere inside I know that I can do the work and redefine my personal success.  I just have no idea of what that is or where I go to find it.

Maybe acceptance could help?  Accept where I am today.  Take pride in my progress and effort on me.

Accept that good will come and allow it to happen.

Let's Go

After years of being a codependent, alcoholic, biker using fear as my compass in life; I've decided to make some changes.

I had my last drink on August 23rd 2010, I'm seeing a therapist, I've begun a yoga practice, I'm dealing with my workaholic ways, and I'm trying very hard to go vegetarian.

This is going to be my place to share, vent, and potentially educate as I make the transformation that is going to be the rest of my life.